God’s Solutions for Today’s Problems #75
Welcome to God’s Solutions for Today’s Problems podcast. This is podcast #75.
My name is Daniel Whyte III, president of Ordained Chaplains USA and Life coach. We don’t have to look far to see that many people in the world are dealing with a variety of problems and are in need of solutions. No matter what problem you are facing — whether it is emotional, psychological or spiritual — Jesus Christ holds the solution that you need. As we walk together in this podcast, we will address a number of topics that exist in the world and present solutions from the Bible that will help you heal and live life more abundantly. Our aim in this podcast is: (1) to introduce you to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, the ultimate source of all healing; (2) to provide you with information that will help you to understand the problem; and (3) to help you by providing solutions to your problems.
Our passage from the Word of God today is Proverbs 17:14. It reads, “The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”
Allow me to share with you some interesting points on this passage from Matthew Henry’s Commentary:
Here is, The danger that there is in the beginning of strife. One hot word, one peevish reflection, one angry demand, one spiteful contradiction, begets another, and that a third, and so on, till it proves like the cutting of a dam; when the water has got a little passage it does itself widen the breach, bears down all before it, and there is then no stopping it, no reducing it. A good caution inferred thence, to take heed of the first spark of contention and to put it out as soon as ever it appears. Dread the breaking of the ice, for, if once broken, it will break further; therefore leave it off, not only when you see the worst of it, for then it may be too late, but when you see the first of it. Obsta principiis—Resist its earliest display. Leave it off even before it be meddled with; leave it off, if it were possible, before you begin.
Our quote for today is from Jenifer Jernigan. She said, “Families are intended to be unified, kind, loving, godly, helpful, selfless, and a witness and reflect of God.”
HOW TO AVOID DOMESTIC VIOLENCE from Letters to Young Black Women – Letter 30
Dear Daughters & YBW: I trust that you are doing well today. I hope that you are growing in the Lord and living a victorious life.
Today, I want to write to you about domestic violence and how you can avoid it. Men are definitely at fault in most cases of domestic violence. As we learned in elementary school, boys should not hit girls—a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances. But contrary to popular belief, women are oftentimes at fault by provoking the man. Some women provoke a negative response from their husbands inadvertently, because they do not know how to deal with a man probably because they never had a father in the home to teach them or they never had a mother, older sister or older woman to teach them how to handle a man. However, some women intentionally provoke their husbands by pushing buttons that they know will cause a negative reaction.
Dear sister, never think that domestic violence is a normal way of life, and it should not occur in any relationship, especially in a Christian family relationship. Here are some things that you can do, as a young woman, to make sure that you do not end up in a relationship like this. I am going to deal with this issue from two standpoints: (1) Do not marry a man who is prone to violence in the first place, and (2) If God blesses you with a good man, here are some things you should do, and should not do, so as not to provoke him to negative behaviour. So, please listen carefully and take heed to the following:
DO NOT MARRY A MAN PRONE TO VIOLENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE
1. Do not marry a man who does not have a decent, loving relationship with his own mother. It has been said that the way a man treats and responds to his mother, is the way he will treat and respond to his wife. On the other hand, do not marry a man who is too close to his mother, because that can be another problem. He may become abusive because he’s a mama’s boy and he will try to defend his mother in many instances.
2. Do not marry a man who is a dawg. As I said before a dawg is heartless and oftentimes he does not even have the capacity to treat you the way that you should be treated. No matter what you do for a dawggish man it won’t be enough, and he will not care anything about you. He will use you for sex and for his own gratification and then leave you.
3. Do not marry a man who lets you have your way all of the time. If a man lets you have your way all of the time while you are dating, then once you get into that marriage, the man will try to be nice about the things that he really does not like, but on the inside the anger and frustration builds. Then, he gets to a point where he explodes, and violence breaks out. Please understand that minor disagreements and differences of opinion are normal between a man and a woman. Don’t be surprised if you have disagreements and differences. That is healthy because it gives him and you a way to vent and share things that you don’t like.
4. Do not marry a man who does not have a life before you. In other words, if a man’s life starts the day he meets you or the day he marries you, then you are already on the fast track to trouble, because he is not living for something bigger than the two of you, and therefore, he does not have a cause to live for to take up some of his time besides you. You may think you want to be the center of a man’s attention, but you really don’t want that. Deep down, you really want a man who has God at the center of his attention and who is going somewhere.
5. Do not marry a man with a violent criminal background. It is true that change is possible for many people after they have gotten into trouble. But, you might want to reconsider marrying a man who has a record of violent criminal activity. Marrying a man of excitement is one thing, but marrying a convicted ax murderer is another.
6. Do not marry a man who hates everybody in your family, and who does not want you to have any contact with your family members. If you marry a man who is like this, he is setting you up so that you won’t have anyone to go to when he does something violent to you. Make sure that your family is okay with him and he is okay with your family before you marry him.
7. Do not marry a man who is aggressive with you before marriage. If he is violent toward you before you get married, he will definitely be that way once you are married and more so.
If you want to avoid this thing called domestic violence, please take heed to the aforementioned points and not marry that kind of man in the first place. The above statements only represent some of the signs that he will be that way. There are other signs. Before you get married, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit http://www.ndvh.org for more warning signs.
HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED TO KEEP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FROM EVER HAPPENING
Let me remind you that the young black men of today are not your grandfather or even your father. The young black men of today are simply not going to put up with any disrespect from their woman. It is true that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances, period. However, some women can bring this type of harmful activity upon themselves by not applying the Word of God, wisdom, and common sense to the marital relationship. Below are some common sense things that you can do to avoid having anything close to domestic violence happening in your home, assuming that you married a God-fearing, decent man in the first place:
1. Do not lie to your husband about anything, past, present, or future. There is no sense in lying to the person that you are married to, or to anyone else for that matter, but especially to your own husband. Lying will destroy the foundation of your marriage faster than anything. So, be honest about everything.
2. Dear sister, if you have a problem with wandering eyes and you just can’t control yourself when a handsome man gets within eye-shot, then you might need to get some spiritual healing in that area before you get married. One thing you do not want to do in front of your husband or husband to be is look at other men. That is disrespectful to him and the Bible tells us that “jealousy is the rage of a man”. And please don’t do this passive-aggressive nonsense of being vindictive and trying to get back at your husband by making him jealous because you had a disagreement or something. Many women have gone to a premature grave for doing silly things like that. You shouldn’t do this at all, but if you just have to look at another man, have enough sense to do it when your husband is not around. I know this may sound petty to you, but the name of the game is don’t do anything to disrespect your husband.
3. May I encourage you not to disrespect your husband in front of your family or in front of your girlfriends, and definitely don’t disrespect him in front of his buddies. Depending on his makeup, he might be able to take a little bit of your mouthing off and showing out at home with just you and the children there, but he is not going to take your embarrassing him in front of other people. And for common sense sake, don’t go around telling your family and friends all of your business that goes on in your house because this is another point that may get his ire up and may cause him to go off on you.
4. This may sound like a no-brainer to you, but do not commit adultery in any way, shape, form or fashion. If you are ever tempted to commit adultery, run—don’t walk—away from it. This is a sure cause for domestic violence. Society has it backwards, but when you get married, you are to be married until “death do you part.” This means that no one or nothing should come between the two of you. Again, let me repeat, you may be married to the strong, silent type, but “jealousy is still the rage of a man”.
5. There are other ways that women show disrespect to their husbands that seem small to them, but are very irritating to men. Here are the big five: (1) talking back to him when he is trying to tell you something; (2) talking back while he is trying to tell you something (we all know women can think and talk faster than men); (3) rolling the eyes; (4) smirking; (5) cursing and calling your husband names. You don’t have to respond to everything that he does or says. Be a woman who respects and loves her husband despite his faults or failures, and be Christ-like in your response. The Bible, in fact, tells you in 1 Peter 3:4: “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” This is not about being a doormat. This is about being smart.
6. Please understand that the way God has wired you as a woman is that your satisfaction comes from satisfying your husband and your family. God did not give him to you just for him to please you. You are to please him as well. Make sure you do your part. The older women will tell you that it really doesn’t take much to please a man. If you don’t know how to please a man, you better ask somebody. But as a man, I can assure you that it doesn’t take much. If you have been married to your husband for just a little while, God will give you the ability and the instincts to know what your husband wants and needs. Don’t let the devil tempt you into thinking that you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. Do not fight these instincts, and do not act as though you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. You know! Don’t sit in your house and not meet your husband’s needs, and think that he is going to be all you need for him to be. Honey, this is a two-way street. Yes, God expects that man to be “all that” to you, but God also expects you to be “all that” to him.
7. Understand that men are very serious about their food. Food is not just a necessity to a man, it is an event. It is something that he looks forward to. So, don’t make an issue out of his food. Don’t burn his food. Make sure his food is prepared on time, whether you do the cooking or not. Make sure it is done in a sanitary fashion, meaning, for example, that you wash your hands before you touch his food. Most men are very funny about how people prepare their food. Dear sister, you can probably eat a little something and keep on moving, but a man cherishes a good meal and takes it seriously. You can avoid a lot of trouble in your marriage by making sure this area is taken care of.
8. If you have children, take care of your children. Do your part in raising, teaching, loving, and caring for them as their mother. There are some things that your husband will do with the children that you will not and cannot do. But he will appreciate it if you fulfill your part as their mother. Now let me emphasize something here, nothing will get a father and/or husband more upset than if he sees his children being neglected and/or mistreated by their own mother. Not being a loving, caring, and doting mother over his children will get you in a lot of trouble real fast.
9. If you are a Christian young lady, God has commanded you to submit to your husband and God has also commanded you to obey your husband. Ephesians 5:22 states: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Titus 2:5 states: “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Now, if you want to be obedient to God, go ahead and have this kind of attitude and spirit and do this, and you can avoid a whole lot of pain and heartache in your marriage and in your family. I told my wife before we got married that we were going to do this thing called marriage “God’s way or no way,” and what I meant by that is: God is holding me accountable, and I am holding her accountable to doing it His way. And when we do it God’s way, we have peace and tranquility in our homes. When we cease to do it God’s way, we bring problems and trouble in our homes, and sad to say, even domestic violence.
10. Finally, dear sister, take care of business in the bedroom cheerfully and willingly, and “by any means necessary.” Enough said!
Daughters and YBW, if you claim to be a Christian, act like a Christian, and go ahead and stop trying to do marriage your way, and do it God’s way and save yourself a whole lot of heartache and trouble. I hope that you will take the above suggestions in the loving spirit in which they were written.
Daughters and YBW, domestic violence is a choice. Many people choose to have drama like this in their marriages, because of simply wanting to do things their way and not God’s way. No, a man should never hit a woman, but a woman should never provoke a situation that would cause a man to hit her or to abuse her in the first place. Contrary to society, this is a two way street. But you can avoid domestic violence and the pain that comes with it, if you just do the things listed above, in your marriage. I assure you that your marriage and family will be a happy one if you do these things.
As a final note, dear sister, if you are doing God’s will and you are doing your part, but you are still in a relationship that is violent, then I strongly encourage you to run to safety as fast as you can—to a battered women’s shelter or some other organization like that, where the batterer can’t get to you. Again, here is the number to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
May God Bless You and Keep You,
“I really don’t think…you are in a bargaining position with God. He is the Master. He is the Commanding Officer. It is not for you to have input. It is simply for you to accept the orders as the orders are given.” —Elisabeth Elliot
“Obedience is the road to freedom, humility the road to pleasure, unity the road to personality.” —C.S. Lewis
BIBLE GEM: “Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God.” —III John 1:11
TALK TO GOD: Holy Father, I pray that You would protect me from getting into a marriage that is characterized by violence and when I get married to a good, God-fearing man, help me to love my husband and be the wife and mother You would have me to be. In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.
The problem we are discussing today is “Domestic Violence” (part 7) from the book, “The Guide to Biblical Counseling” by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Ron Hawkins.
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4
Parents ought to be careful in their training and discipline not to provoke their children “to wrath.” In other words, sometimes a parent’s discipline can be overly harsh, unfair, unloving, or irresponsible, causing children to become angered, discouraged, and resentful.
Parents who discipline fairly, consistently, and lovingly are raising their children well.
“Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” – Colossians 3:21
Although children are commanded to obey their parents, this does not give parents permission to be cruel or unreasonable in their treatment of their children.
Parents who nag, belittle, or deride their children destroy their self-esteem and discourage them.
The purpose of parental discipline is to train children. Consistent discipline, administered with love, will help children grow into responsible adults.
Today we’re worried and frightened, Lord. Your children are in need of great help. One needs help handling anger so that he no longer is abusive; the other needs help to know how best to deal with this situation and get her husband the help he needs…
In our next broadcast, we will begin looking at the problem of Domestic violence.
Now, if you are listening today, and you do not know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour, allow me to show you how.
First, accept the fact that you are a sinner, and that you have broken God’s law. The Bible says in Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”
Second, accept the fact that there is a penalty for sin. The Bible states in Romans 6:23: “For the wages of sin is death…”
Third, accept the fact that you are on the road to hell. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 10:28: “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Also, the Bible states in Revelation 21:8: “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Now this is bad news, but here’s the good news. Jesus Christ said in John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Just believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died for your sins, was buried, and rose from the dead by the power of God for you so that you can live eternally with Him. Pray and ask Him to come into your heart today, and He will.
Romans 10:9-13 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
If you have other questions about life’s problems for this podcast, please email us firstname.lastname@example.org.
Until next time, my friend remember that God has a solution to all of your problems.